Idolatry of the penis

This is a Guest Post written by Jean Kamps.

Consent is not once. Consent is given over and over and over. A dear friend wrote an article about something that really needed to be said, even though it’s sad it needed to be said and isn’t just known — sexual consent is not given once on wedding day to last for a lifetime; sexual consent is given from one person to another every single time sex is in question.

Belonging to each other in marriage does not strip us of autonomy any more than God choosing us before we chose him strips us of free will. The two exist in conjunction with one another. A marriage is built one day at a time, choosing each other again every day, just as we have to choose Jesus and repentance every day for it to continue because we are given free will to choose. We don’t choose once and that’s it, we choose continually. In so many areas of life, people would use exactly that argument — choice and consent are continual, not one time for ever — like mortgages, and jobs, and friendships, and giving someone a lift somewhere.

It’s madness that Christian patriarchy has taken this ONE matter so far out of the contexts in which they would practice so many other things. But then, Christian patriarchy seems to have a huge focus on penises. I would venture to say that the Christian patriarchy makes Penis an idol, actually. It’s venerated, and sacrificed for, and preserved above all else…

It’s an idol. We’ve made life penis-centric.

Women of all ages: Don’t excite the wrong Penis!
Breastfeeding mothers, hide yourselves. Youth group attendees, especially girls, adhere to this dress code. Women in need of counselling, behave yourselves and don’t allow your grief to be sexually frustrating to your male pastor. The Penis is not governed by the body, so you cannot blame any male who obeys his Penis due to your indiscretion.

Wives: You owe homage to the penis.

Women owe their live-in Penis regular service. You must understand that the Penis has stronger urges, which your own vagina cannot comprehend, and needs frequent and regular release. This is the way God made you, so you must serve your Penis well and put aside any personal tiredness or disinterest you might feel at times.

Single women: You must respect the untamed power of the Penis.

It cannot control itself. It has needs. When you walk around with breasts and hips attached to your body, you needlessly awaken Penises of all ages. Be responsible with your body and don’t cause your fellow brothers to lose control to the Penis.

We don’t limit religious penis doctrine to females, however. Males are also taught.

Boys and single men: Your Penis gives you authority.

Learn to use this authority wisely, my sons, because it is God-ordained, and God is male. Laud maleness and Penis-ownership for the highest praise that it is, know that being the man entails displays of physicality or bold behavior, and correctly insult unworthy traits as female-like and akin to weakness.

Men of all ages: With great Penis comes great responsibility, but since responsibility is synonymous to authority you’re all set. 

Husbands: Penis is more sensitive than a female vagina.

Take care to preserve its integrity and let no knife come near it nor the crown jewels. Your wife was purpose-built to endure hours of labor and childbirth, including incisions in sensitive areas, and she cannot comprehend the nature of the sensitivity Penis delivers to your body.

After all, even society agrees that Penis is god, so who are we to disagree? Right?

Uh, yeah. Right. I’m quite sure you know I’m being sarcastic. Sarcastic because I’m fed up. Sarcastic because I can hardly believe I am writing so boldly about something that seems so obvious. And yet, here we are.

The problems of porn in the church would probably reduce if penises were not venerated this way.

It’s time to admit the idolatry of the penis, take it to the one true God, and ask for help.

(This article also appears on Staining the Glass.)

Published by Nikki Holland

I am a Quaker wife, mother, pastor, and writer. I work as the country branch director of a fabulous NGO in Belize City and I recently graduated with an MDiv from Earlham School of Religion. I love my family, and I love my community.

One thought on “Idolatry of the penis

  1. So much this! I’ve been saying for years that a lot of these complementarian churches should rip out all of the crosses and replace them with phallic symbols. The focus on penis, penis, penis is really too much, and Christ is lost in it all.


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